My thoughts coated with sadness

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Jigme Tenzin

By: Jigme Tenzin

I feel sad! I don’t know why. Tears are rolling down my eyes. I know I never felt like this before.  
I look around and I see no one. I’m alone, a sheer thought came. There is no one who really do not understand my silence nor who sit beside me and lends their hand towards me. There is no one who will really understand my inner turmoil. Like the unexpected rain after a beautiful sunshine I’m torn apart by worldly affairs. One minute I’m happy and in another second my happiness are washed away. 
Like the sudden thunder storm, in fright my happiness is gone. Simply gone! Thoughts are just climbing over my head for its own opinion. I don’t understand what they are saying neither I want them to say something. I Whispered, “just go away”.

I don’t want to get involved. No one hears!

In the next door, I hear the guitar and children sing the hymn. I’m listening (very) carefully but I don’t get a single word. I think it is Mizo (local dialect). I’m crumpled inside. My stomach hurts. Am I worrying too much? I don’t want to think? Just want to be free of thoughts! But lo I don’t understand every thought are crumbling inside. I’ve headache? No but my head feels heavy, as if tons of loads are placed. 

Another thought came, what shall I invite someone to eat? No, no one. Who cares?  

The child over next door cries…and stopped now! I think mother took her/him into her lap. It reminds of my childhood when I was pampered and took me into her lap. I want to go back. To those times which were wonderfully beautiful. Those times that would never come again. Nostalgia struck!

Now I’m miles and miles away from that loved ones and those which I need most. 

They say life is beautiful, and I agree but only it is most beautiful when you share your joys with your loved and the dear ones. I’m here now in an unknown place, someone, my friends have never heard to make a future. I know this is a turmoil time yet future looks bright.

Keeping the negative side aside, I shall walk on, till my journey ends with those positive things I’ve and leaving those negatives, the ones, I don’t have.

I shall carry a loving heart, a heart that shall pay my gratitude to those thankful and forgive those who tried to doom me. 


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